


Breathe Me

by Coldwaughter



Category: Black Sails
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Hurt/Comfort, James Centric, M/M, Spoilers, episode tag 4x10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 05:26:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10550824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coldwaughter/pseuds/Coldwaughter
Summary: Little snippets taking a look at James Flint's life from a child to pirate to after that.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This will have spoilers (sort of) for the last episode of Black Sails so I suggest you watch that before you read this if you haven't already.   
> I saw the episode and fell in love with the ending, specifically a certain part of it which inspired this. Please R&R if you liked this?

James could measure his life out in stages and with people. 

First as a young boy, bright eyed and full of wonder at the world. He was fascinated by the books that he could see in his house and those in the world around him, made people read to him until he could comfortably read himself and even then he loved sitting down with someone and hearing the words out loud from someone else’s lips. He begged a friend of the family to let him borrow books and it turned into a trade off; he would be allowed a place to sit and read and all he had to do in return was promise that he wouldn’t give it up. 

Years passed and that boy had been lost to the world. He had managed to work his way up in the Royal Navy, finally landing the title of Lieutenant. Serving under Admiral Hennessey had made him grow in a different direction like a plant whose source of light had changed, now some false lamp indoors instead of the blinding sun outdoors. At least until he met Thomas Hamilton. 

Thomas changed everything. From the minute they met James felt his world expanding and opening up, new things seemed to be appearing out of thin air and he was able to properly breathe. His passion for books had returned with a vengeance and he could think of nothing greater than lying with Thomas and Miranda somewhere private, secluded enough that nobody would be able to make a fuss about the lines of poetry that Thomas was reciting. No comments could be made about the way he would lean over and cut a quatrain short with a kiss while Miranda looked on with a smile, content to let her boys enjoy the warm summer sun. 

Losing Thomas was like putting out all of the stars, nothing could come to any good. The world was far too harsh and loud and painful, but he made a promise to see Thomas’ dream fulfilled. He could so he had to live and do it. James McGraw died the day he left and in his place James Flint rose, a crew soon following. From the ashes of the man he had once been he rose up, a feared pirate captain with the support of his men. 

Over the years he had met people that threatened to become Someone to him again the way that Thomas had but each of them fell at some point or another. Some choosing to remain behind, others being killed in attacks that gave them plenty spoils but took away something more precious. Each time they reminded him of what he had left behind in England, of those summer days with the Hamiltons. There would be no more chances for that. 

Meeting Billy Bones was the start of a new stage in his piracy. James had always held a softer spot for those cast off by society, those that the Navy had forced into service. He had been at the receiving end of punishments from men in the Navy and after that he had sworn never to be there again, and he didn’t want other men to be there either. If he could help one man back on his feet and turn him into a good, strong ally then he was one step closer to that dream of Thomas’. He kept an eye on the lad, getting Hal to look after him properly and guide him even though he didn’t seem to need it. He had more of a head on his shoulders than half of the other men at sea and was stronger than them too. Time passed and he watched as he grew into a fine young man, a member of his crew worth being proud of. 

The next stage of his life came about all because of a prize. The ship, like many, was a beauty but her crew seemed to see her as anything but with the way they defended her. Men cowering in corners, begging for their lives with those brave enough to step forward being cut down in a matter of seconds. It almost didn’t seem right that one of the driving forces for the next part of his life had come about because of one of those cowards, with more sense and brains than the other men, but a coward nonetheless. Silver wasn’t a natural born fighter, not like most of his crew, but he wasn’t an instigator like Billy. He was a talker and he was good at it, He could talk circles around James if given the chance and planning.

He promised years of loyalty as long as he gained from it, and James was fool enough to accept it all. Moving on like Miranda kept prompting him to, even though he knew it wouldn’t go beyond the occasional night spent awake together talking and his own muffled gasps in the dead of night. Whatever it was between them it gave him a new focus at least, something to pour his energy into. 

Then Miranda was gone and the shadows of the world crept back into the edges of his vision, mocking him for being so weak as to let more people go as if he had a choice. If he could find a way of turning back time he would have done everything in his power to get Miranda away from that place sooner, dragged her away kicking and screaming if he had to just as long as she would have been somewhere safe. The sound of a bullet hitting flesh had never haunted his dreams before but now it lingered there and in every waking moment on repeat in his mind. It made that young boy, fascinated with books and learning fall so much further out of reach and let that creature of rage emerge once more.

The next stage of James’ life was as this monster, ready to sack a village. His voice had given up, body exhausted beyond belief by the time he finally was back on a ship and away from Charlestown. It made it easier to pull in Charles Vane, (of the Ranger) and forget with him. Each gasp and bite, every pull of the hair and all of the vulgarities snarled in between frantic kisses took him away from that boy and fed that creature. He didn’t need to be James McGraw or James Flint he could forget it all and just be a man being pressed into the wall of whatever room they found themselves in. The silence after was deafening until Charles would start whispering about how good he looked and how good he sounded like that and James would kick him out of the bed and hurriedly dress. It lasted until the same people that took Thomas from him once upon a time ripped another lover from him.

The monster inside him reared its ugly head yet again until a silver tongue convinced him to let that particular pain go but there was still a part of him that burned. Seeing John with Madi, laughing and happy and able to be in love made it burn ice cold. All of those stories that he had heard as a child of love saving the day, people riding off into the sunset together had already gave way to the cynicism of his later teens but now it was like a knife stabbing him over and over again. A reminder that the happily ever after could never be a thing for people like him. 

The day James Flint died was the day that he saw Thomas again. All of the days that had passed since they had last looked on each other had left their marks on each of them, there were more wrinkles and scars than he had ever thought possible but he found he didn’t care. Holding Thomas close to him again, leaning in brought back those summer days reading, the sound of every book and poem and letter read aloud, and the hope that that he might get his happy ending.


End file.
